I just had the best date. Not only was my date beautiful, intelligent, funny, and perpetually interesting, but I actually had the ability to really listen to her – to internalize not only what she was saying, but how she was feeling – and considering I really like this girl, it made me feel great to be so emotionally connected to her.
This wasn’t our first date. More like our 600th. And over the years with so many things going on all the time – growing our respective businesses, raising two awesome yet loquacious kids, working on adopting a third, and trying to squeeze in training for an annual marathon, Ironman, or whatever, it’s been all too easy to rush to our weekly ‘date’ bringing along all the stresses, schedule conflicts, and to do’s we both always seem to have.
Squeezing in and then rushing out to a date, without dropping the stress first, can feel more like we’re each backing up a tension truck and then dumping the strained contents all over each other (definitely NOT hot!)
But not this time. We started this date out with a nice 45-minute trail run, followed by an hour-long massage. By the time we got to dinner, we had both released not only any stress we’d been carrying but also, during the run, we had the chance to drop all those thoughts about deadlines and general life to do’s that had been swirling around inside our heads. We were totally available for one another and the rest of the date felt more like our first.
Another reason the ‘pre-date run’ is so effective is that while one person is busy chatting about everything that’s been occupying their brain, the other gets to run (and breathe) with a little less effort. Then by the time you get a little winded from talking so much, you welcome the break and can focus on listening 100% to the other – the extra effort (albeit slight) to interject is just enough incentive to bite your tongue and pay attention until your partner gets their thoughts out completely.
We’ve been starting all our dates with a run for the last year or so and have really enjoyed all of them – and each other – more. Seems we both want to be emotionally available for the other and the pre-date run enables us to do that (the massage is an added bonus).
Maybe running together isn’t quite your speed, but some sort of shared exercise time can really make a difference in clearing out the knots that settle in your head after a long week of…well…everything.
Not to mention, it’s always more fun to eat AFTER you’ve earned the calories. A little dessert may be the best reward.
Date or no date, during the holiday season, there are a lot of holiday parties, family gatherings and seasonal events where being a good listener has its advantages. Get your run, ride, swim, climb, or general gym time in beforehand so you can sit back and enjoy yourself and all the great people around you.
Happy Holidays!
