I like to be responsible for taking care of myself. I have always felt that I was independent and self-reliant. I liked to pull my own weight, not to mention the weight of others. But, becoming a father made me realize I could not do it all by myself. I struggled to learn how to seek help from others, even my wife. I sometimes felt like a failure when relinquishing the figurative tether that guided my family.
Last March, I suffered my first-ever running injury and was laid up on the couch for three helpless days before I could walk again without pain. I knew the injury was severe. I knew I had to get the help and advice of doctors. But, taking advice is definitely not one of my strong points. Having to ask for and accept so much help was a humbling experience that made me question whether I should continue running and risk another injury. Giving up the tether that guided others was one thing, but being forced to let someone guide me, made me feel vulnerable.
Then, in August, my mother passed away. Throughout my life, my ego would never allow me to accept that I needed hers’ and my fathers’ guidance. Without ever having thanked her, I immediately realized that I was not as independent and self-reliant as I used to believe. I felt lost. I was a blind swimmer alone in the middle of a lake, treading water, calling for help and hoping someone would find me.
Army Captain Ivan Castro can relate.
As an officer in special forces, Castro was used to leading others. He was used to being self-sufficient. But, in 2006, he was blown up in a mortar attack. Two troops by his side were instantly killed. He nearly died. Six weeks later he realized he would live the rest of his life completely blind.
Since then, Castro has climbed mountains, cycled across Europe, ran 12 marathons, and yes, been left alone in the middle of a lake, treading water and calling for help. Ironically, while waiting for help, a struggling swimmer came up to Castro seeking his help! Eventually, Castro’s guide realized the tether slipped off and came back. Except for that instance, Castro has accomplished all of these athletic feats tethered to another.
During our interview, his gracious spirit did not allow too many words to leave his mouth without thanking the many people in his personal, professional (he’s still serving on active duty), and athletic life that have helped him since his injury.
We all have tethers.
Some are the result of injury or illness and some are the result of positive change, like the birth of a child. Sometimes we pull and sometimes we are pulled. I have learned over the past year that it is essential to let go of the belief I should be able to do it all alone. I am learning to accept the help of others and not let my ego resist.
Meeting Captain Ivan Castro has inspired me to allow others to help me and with that, my sense of loss regarding my mother’s death has begun to evolve into a rightful sense of gratitude for both hers’ and my fathers’ guidance throughout my childhood, adulthood and parenthood. The realization has also enabled me to be much wiser and compassionate when called upon by others for help.
Inspire. Perform. Endure.
